So I guess you heard that it’s summer now, right?
I’ve been waiting for it for the past 10 months of my life. And tonight I get cold feet about it. You know how summer is supposed to be all about beaches, alcohol, friends, night parties, late sleeping and no homeworks? Well, I’ve never been a part of these things. My best summer was in 2-nd grade when I went to see my grandparents for 3 months in their village, called Ravna Gora, which is translated as Even Forest, which is even more hilarious than the fact that I had an awful time there and it still qualifies as the best summer yet. I probably shouldn’t tell you stories of my hot experiences during these every year periods, but I will, cause you’re not gonna read it anyway.
First thing that comes to my mind is when I was learning how to ride my bike. It took me 2 motherfucking years, but I decided that I can do it on the second day and didn’t want any help and told my grandpa to stay away from me. So he did. I went to the other side of the town, pushing my bike with the intention of riding it back home. I was stupid enough to try and ride all by myself with nobody around me that could help me. What happened was the following: I got on the effin bike and fell off of it REALLY hard 10 meters away from the spot I was in the first place. I was in a pink short, silk dress that got completely ripped off and I had to walk 3 km naked (with just my undies on), pushing my broken bike home with bloody knees and elbows. It was lovely…and when I got home I realized that I was heavily sunburned. 😀
Two summers later I remember having a frog in my mouth. I dipped my head into a sink and the bloody creature just popped out of nowhere into my mouth. I still make “GROSS” faces, while remembering this.
I also remember being grounded 1 whole summer for disappearing for like a day in 4-th grade. I still think this was too harsh, but I did stay in the house the whole time…
In 6-th grade I had to go to this fat camp thingy. I wasn’t fat, my aunt worked there and my parents were out of the country, so…Yeah, it was a disaster. I had to wake up at 5.00 am EVERY SINGLE morning. No exceptions, but I think I made that clear. I had to go jog with the fatties for 6 km, then the meal was like 3 carrots and a glass of water. Worst summer ever recorded in human history. I’d rather go in Israel on a military mission that having to live through that 1 more time.
I had no summer in 7-th grade, cause it was all mathematics and bulgarian. Preparations for these really important exams that your whole future depends on and stuff…really not that interesting. What’s fascinating, though is that I lived with my momma’s momma, who’s a math teacher. She lifts my blood pressure to heights still unknown to man kind pretty much every time she sees me. I had to go to therapy after 3 months of this…but I didn’t and now I’m probably mentally ill. Learn it, live it, love it.
In 8-th grade I did pretty much nothing…random people were calling me out, but I didn’t really wanna go with them, so it was a bummer. Then there was this crazy ass motherfucker (who was a goddamn stinkin’ gypsy), who stalked me in the bus and followed me home for quite a long time, until I pepper sprayed him that one time…haha, good times.
In 9-th grade I went twice to the beach (I live in a sea town, beach is 3 seconds away from home, I really must hate being in the water), watched a lot of movies, ate a lot of pizza, visited 2 or three parties and the summer was gone. It was less than 2 months, cause we’re “big” now and we have to study one extra month…oh, well, I cried my ass off when school started again.
And now I’m wondering what this summer will be. I had plans with Gergana, but since her ass is so stupid that she can’t graduate properly, she’ll probably be grounded for the rest of her life, which leaves me out of the picture. And with Brain leaving for England in a few days and Yani living in the ass of geography, I don’t really have anything to do these 2 months. And stop saying it’s midsummer. I’m still in school, for heavens sake! Watch your mouth. But I am actually really pissed of at Gergana, cause if she studied when I told her to, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. We had plans de la grande. Kavarna, rock fests, July morning, birthdays, other fun stuff, night beaches, forest expeditions. And now she has to look herself in the morning and say “Fuck you. Fuck your dreams, your hopes, your plans…fuck everything you thought life was gonna offer you and go open that math book.” Damn straight, if she doesn’t pull her shit together, she’s gonna end up on the street. Her parents are THIS close to throwing her out, I can tell you this much.
//Stef – what the hell am I supposed to do with all this free time?