Some stuff again.


So I know this will be boring, but really, that’s what I want to talk about and it’s not like I have a million readers, goes nothing.

Have you ever been SURPRISED at how small things just make you happy? And also sad? I’ll start with the bad things, cause they’re far less than the good ones.

What made me feel like shit today…Gergana. She calls me and says “Me and Venci are through!”. As a good friend, I tried to hide the fact that I’m uber pleasantly surprised. She didn’t seem sad, so after 30 minutes, I let my true emotions out. It was something like “SUCK ON THAT, MOTHERFUCKER, YEAAAAAH. SHE’S SINGLE.” and then she starts laughing, cause “she was joking”. As you all may or may not know, I hate her boyfriend. I feel the urgent need to throw up every time I see him, so I really was happy that she’s done with him. And I don’t understand the point of making jokes about it. The weirdest thing is that she knows me and she was aware that I was gonna react as I did and she knew I was going to be mad afterwards. I decided it’s time to show her that I’m not always as happy as I look and she can’t afford the luxury of treating me like her clown, so I just send her the “O kolko si prost” video and said nothing more (respectively, the lyrics of the song said the words for me). She thought it’d be cool if she removed me from her facebook friends, right when I’m furious and I had her begging me to “take her back” in just 2 hours. I was this close to ignore her request. And this might seem like we’re fighting over a stupid joke, but this was just not funny and necessary. And I can usually take a joke.

Anyway! The good stuff. I’m amazed at how affection works. I mean, close to you people might bust their asses off to make you happy, but in the end someone completely random makes you fly. It happened to me before, I’ll tell you about it, but before that I want to write about my close ones.

My aunt. What’s so special about an aunt? Well, she’s not your usual boring lady. I’ve always loved her, but I was always ashamed to say it. Then she got pregnant and I was there to help with everything. Even though she’s in Bulgaria for just 20 days a year, she’s my fvorite part of the family apart from my mom and cousins. Everything shifted 1 year ago, when her husband died in a car accident that the whole family was in and she needed help both mentally and physically. I don’t know, we just bonded. At least I feel like it. She’s very modern young lady, I must say, going to the fitness every day, shopping as often as she can, we have a lot to talk about. She’s a freaking stewardess. From the kind that goes on flights, but is really in charge of the whole thing? Yes. Well, as you can guess, she goes to a lot of places and gets a lot of things from around the world. I can’t tell you how much stuff I got from Argentina, South Africa, China, USA, Sweden, England (and on and on and on), which is really cool, I like that. But my point was that I love my aunt. Yes, yes I do.

Yani. Because she reminds me of me, of her, of friendship and everything that goes with it. The only problem is that she lives so far away and we can’t see each other that often. But she’s the friend who’ll always be with me and will say “Your life is shit right now, but you’re young and you’ve got me, so don’t worry, we’ll fix things.” I would like to draw your attention to the shit part. Everything is as it is. She doesn’t have to find “mild words” to talk to me. And neither do I. I remember last year around that time when we had some problems and how quickly we got over them, because of the straight talking. I said “You’re pissing me off. I told you what to do, you didn’t do it and now you’re repeating the same thing”. It was hard to tell (and swallow, I guess), but I believe that talk we had then is the reason we’re together now. So, my point is that I would never give up on that girl, no matter what. I can’t speak for the eternity and stuff, because I don’t know how the future will go and where will our paths stop crossing (as if), but I love her, too. She’s basically me. In a different body. In a different place.

Ivana. And it’s weird I tell her name in here. But her enthusiasm and her arrogant behavior just won me. I don’t…love her. At least I’m not sure. Well, even if I do, I won’t admit it. Even to me. Because that’s just the way I roll. What? Haha. Anyway, that girl is one of the strangers, the opposite side of me, the “what the fuck are you laughing at?!” girl, the fashion icon, the diva, the heartbreaker and all that jazz. Basically, I don’t know why I communicate with her. Not only does she insult everything I like, but she also likes everything I insult. So? Nothing. She has heart, though. She brought me a present from Romania, cause “I brought her one from Madara.”. Makes no sense and it’s not about the material, it was probably less than 1 euro. I just kinda like her, she’s bubbly, her laugh is awesome, we spend half of our lives together and…I like her self esteem? Even though it’s way too much. I’ve known her for 3 years and I don’t think that we’ll keep in touch after we graduate, cause…we have different friends, zones, she’ll stay in Bg, I’ll go away, we’ll never see each other again and yeah…I’m going to enjoy her, while I can.

Mim. My daughter. Yes, not really my daughter, she’s actually a little bit older than me. But she’s my baby. Annoying at times, behaving like a whore in places, she’s also under my skin. The perfect laughing partner. You can be serious with her, but I’m too different from her, I have different points of view, so it’s kind of pointless doing that. She just wants a boyfriend and soon she’ll get one. ^^ And I’m happy for her. But really, as sad as it sounds – I don’t think we’ll be besties for life, either. Just because we’re too different. Some day, I’ll be fed up with bullshit and I’ll just stop talking to her. I’ll think of her, I’ll be sad and all, but I’m not for her. She’s my friend now, though. And I might be wrong, time will tell.

Brain. The only one who knows how I looked in diapers. My first idol and friend and everything. She’s leaving for England on September 13-th, I’ll probably cry my eyes out, but now she’s a grown up and she has to fly, right? I think…I think I’ll be friends with her for the rest of my life, no matter where we both are. Afghanistan, Turkmenistan, Finland, Namibia or Croatia, we’ll find a way to see each other. Which is good, I really hope I’m right.

Ain’t that the long thing or what?
I wrote it, cause I can’t sleep. And here’s a pretty picture for you in this beautiful Friday night / Saturday morning.

//Stef – Happy.


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