Stiifi feels like crap.

Hi.

As you all know, I rarely change moods. I’m mostly happy and smiley, but not today.

It all started with the fucking table. It’s a 50 kg. big massive table and I had to move it 5 times from one spot to another, just because someone felt like it would fit good here…or here…or here…or here…or maybe we shouldn’t have moved it at all, go back. I said “no” after the 6-th time, cause this thing is heavy to me and I have to move it by myself with little kids trying to trip me on my way. The whole family went nuts on my “lazy ass” and how I didn’t want to do a fucking thing. Well, if you want to know, dear family, apart from 4 persons, I don’t really care about you, cause you’re awful people. I don’t even know why I hang out with you at all. They started insulting me in various ways, claiming that “it’s for my own good”. My grandma (on the mother side) started, as always, reminding me previous mistakes and faults, because she thought it’s a good word of advice. Women…shut the fuck up. Lora yelled at me for playing with the kid’s toys. She said “a full grown fat person like myself shouldn’t behave like a baby”. Who were you, again? Excuse me if I say I’ve never liked you and I especially hated you when you were kicking my ass every day for god knows what reason. But now I’m as tall as you and probably stronger, so fuck off. Thanks. Why do they have to behave like such bitches? And my grandfather, who’s “dying” for 4 years now, did not stop talking about his final wish – a red satin scarf. WHAT THE FUCK??? Never mind.

Then I went on facebook and saw the profile picture of Victor – it was with Ivana on her bloody birthday. I feel extremely betrayed and sad and frustrated and I don’t know what else, because I wasn’t even invited. There were like 60 people over there and she didn’t even say “hey, you wanna come?”. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about this, because I wouldn’t have gone anyway and she knows that and that’s why she didn’t tell me anything, but STILL. She’s my friend and I kinda love her, you know…I’m hurt about this. I haven’t seen her in 3 months and I missed her, but what am I going to say to her tomorrow? “Oh, hey. How was your birthday? Did you have fun? Nice.” and we’ll both feel like crap. Just so you know, I wouldn’t go to her party, because the music they play is totally different than what I like, not to mention that most of her friends hate me from school, and so do I. But other than that, there’s nothing holding me back. But that’s a topic that I’m really sensitive about, I do not talk about it, just think. Ivana is one of my friends that’s not really my friend, you get it? I care for her and that’s as far as it goes.

I saw Kalina today at the flower market. She’s going to study in ANOTHER new school. Oh, well…

Ah, fuck all, I feel like crap, because I start school again. I don’t want to. I want to stay home, watch TV, oversleep and eat cake. And the bad thing is, we’re starting from 1-st shift. Hello 5:30 am! >.< Can’t wait for Christmas.

By the way,  haven’t heard anything from Gergana in more than a week, I hope she’s fine with her psycho, retarded, gay boyfriend. I’m mad at her, too.

And also another thing that I just realized. Last time I cried was in July and it was for the ending of season 2 of skins. A fucking tv program. But if you don’t count that…I really don’t remember, perhaps it was last year. A lady saked me why do I cry so rarely, but I don’t know. I just don’t feel like crying. Like crap – yes, but…I need a lot to cry, so… =)

But anyway, goodbye.

//Stef.

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