So…I don’t even know.

There’s so much to blog about and I’m probably going to miss on everything, think of a random topic and go along with it.

So let’s make a list of what I want to talk about (I hate forgetting things)

  1. My awesome dream last night.
  2. The holidays
  3. Brain
  4. my dad
  5. The snow

My dream! I was at Gergana’s yesterday, it was so fucking cold in her room, I wanted to wrap myself in every existing blanket there is. So I asked if I could put my legs in some hot water and she said “Of course, omg, why didn’t I think of this” and then she took the initiative of filling two buckets of water and bringing them inside. Okay, it was cool, except for the part where I had to wait an hour for the water to cool down (it felt as if she just boiled some water and put it in the bucket and my feet were so cold, it felt even hotter). Anyway, after I had my precious limbs in the water, I was finally at peace. I watched Beedleguice (or whatever the name was, it’s an old Tim Burton movie) and it was amusing, but really…to ancient for my taste. Pretend that this has something to do with my dream and continue reading.

I went to bed, it was difficult, cause Gergana was totally stretched out like a spider all over the king size bed, but I managed to do it and even got a blanket on my waist. AND THEN IT STARTED. It was so fucking awesome, I can’t even! I know you’ll think I’m crazy, that’s what my mom and Gergana thought, when I told them about the dream, but I was literally on the edge of a happy stroke!

So, I close my eyes and I’m in the middle of a theater/studio. I know it sounds weird, there were also these tables, where you could go and sit and have a coffee if you wish (right next to the restroom). And guess what? I was attending a rehearsal/taping of the Sturm und Drang’s new album..or was it a video for a tune? I can’t remember clearly. Ok, so here’s where it starts to get weird. My very own father was hired to do some job like…I don’t know, an assistant? Lol, he’d really suck at this. Anyway, I sit on the last table and start looking at the stage and all of a sudden Magnus B. from Shame Lane appears next to me and we’re in the middle of a random chat. I don’t what happened, but I found a joke really amusing and started laughing really hard, I could barely breathe. I went to the restroom sink to clean my laugh tears and I see these girls, I’ve never seen before. I say “hi” and you know, be polite, they hi’d me back and went to one of the other tables, they sat next to a blond guy with kind of 80’s haircut. Then I saw my dad and attempted to hide myself, but didn’t succeed. He came up to the table and said all happy “Watcha doing here?” and I walked away for some reason and didn’t see him again. I walked to the stage and the recording was paused or something and I saw a hairstylist doing André’s hair and I walked away, probably went to another direction, but he came up to me and said “Your dad is not doing his job properly! If he continues that way, we may have to fire him” and I’m like “hahaha, I don’t care! Better yet, fire him now. I don’t even know why you hired him in the first place”

Then I was at the table again, but that blond guy’s stuff were on it, so I told him, I’d move them somewhere else and he turned around and it was that Wendlin guy, he said it’s ok. And then OH MY GOD, Manuel magically appeared on his table and started talking shit. Manuel is a jewish redhead, a classmate of mine from 1-st to 7-th grade, I don’t even know what he was doing there, I haven’t seen him in years. Anyway, he was really getting into it and Wendlin was cursing around, cause he couldn’t understand his language. And then a voice called, saying “the recording sessions are starting. If the SuD members could come on stage, it’d be lovely” and I was freaking out, cause it seemed real and I’m actually at a recording session. 😀 Then something happened and Calle, Jeppe, Alex and André were playing and that blond guy had to sing (even though he had a bass guitar in his hands) and YOU KNOW WHAT?? He pulled a fucking Axl Rose on everyone, I was so surprised…literally, the same voice O.o . Then he started playing the bass and André started singing as he should and I died from happiness and Slash (Geri’s cat) randomly poked me in the eye and I woke up.

The holidays. There was a slim chance that my class was going to spend Christmas and New Year in Madrid, but no, we’re still going to Karlovo. I’m hoping on a great time, really! Of course, there’s nothing stopping Victor from ruining it, but I’ll hope for the best. At least Venci won’t be there.

Brain! AAAAAAA, SHE’S COMING HOME TOMORROW. It’s for a while, but still! She’s coming home and I miss her so much…so, so, so much! I can’t wait to give her a huge hug, kiss and whatnot! Her dad passed away last Friday, so I think she could use a lot of me. 😦

That brings me to my dad. Brain said “I want you to know that no matter what our fathers do or don’t do, we love them in the end.” and I know that. But just as I was starting to think I love my dad, he called me again. He brings me nothing but disappointments. I keep searching for a reason to love him and I honestly can’t find one. I’m ashamed of him, really! I don’t like my friends knowing who he is, I don’t talk about him and I don’t call him. As bad as it sounds, I think he deserves it. I know I love him and I’ll understand that when he’s gone, but now all I can think about is how he left my mother with a little kid on her hands, without any money (during the winter). I keep thinking he blames me for my brother’s death (yes, I had a brother). I know it’s not my fault in any case, cause he was 2 years older than me, but I just feel it in his voice and in his actions. Sometimes he twists my hand, so I could see how “strong” he is, when really it makes me really sad that I’m carrying his genes in my body. Sometimes he gets drunk as fuck and comes screaming at my door at 3 am. He NEVER keeps his promises. I still have the messages in my phone – how he tells me he hates me and I’m nothing more than a worm eating his life away. How is it possible to love someone like that? I’ll try my best never to come back, when I leave (except for holidays). I really don’t want him in my life that much. I’m sure I can manage on my own just fine.

And the snow. It’s SO WEIRD. 3 days ago WE HAD NO SNOW and now it’s up to my knees. Dude…that’s freaking awesome. Not the snow, but the fact that it got so much in so little time. I don’t like snow, I could pass without it, but it’s really important that it rains at least once in the winter. Cause winter is not the season it’s supposed to be without any snow…

And yeah, that was it, I believe…

//Stef – have a really warm night, you hear?


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