The last few days have been good. With their ups and downs.
When I get up in the morning, I’m so stressed out about what’s coming ahead of me. I’m not talking about the whole exchange year, but for the day itself. I have to get to school, find my room, try and listen to the teacher, try not to be embarrassed by my awkwardness…you know? I’ve never put so much effort and thought into school before. For Christ’s sake, I’m panicking just by thinking about how I am going to get to school. Will I bike? Will someone drive me? Do I take the bus? Do I walk to there? See how many choices I have? It’s frustrating. And then I have to go to class and I realize that everyone in the building speaks English, but I can’t help it, I feel isolated. I know it’s hard to set your mind positively and not care about what people think about you, but all I know is that it eventually turns out just fine. At the end of the day I feel like it didn’t work, but I know it did. I see Finnish students making an effort as well and it’s been really helpful, but nobody really speaks to me during lunch time or free period. I just sit alone at the table, it’s all very awkward. And everyone else have these groups and I’d hate to be a party cracker, you know?
I feel like I have two legs, but I can’t use them for walking. They answer me, when I ask them a question, but at one point everything turns into a struggle to keep the conversation alive and it’s tiring me. All the nice people that I’ve met have actually started the convo first, it’s weird. And what’s even more weird, I don’t know if it’s normal for Suomi, but when I socialize with someone and remember their name, I usually say hi at them in the corridors. NO SUCH THING IN FINLAND. People pass you by like you’re a freaking traffic sign. I know you’re in a hurry, I probably am, too, but a smile would be a nice sign of your acknowledgment that I’m present in front of you. Kiitos paljon! 90% of the time I feel like I did something wrong and people are mad at me.
Though, I must admit, the past 2 days have been WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY better than the first day. I’ve talked with a decent amount of people, some of them not wearing any shoes for no apparent reason (haha, loved that guy!), some of them asian looking, some of them ginger looking, most of them blond looking…but still, this doesn’t even go close to the amount of people I would usually talk to at school in Bulgaria. Let’s say that today I talked with15 people (tops), in bg, that would be if I didn’t attend school. WTF? I’m currently putting all my effort in socializing. Wish me luck!
Today I also met my support person – Salla! I cannot stress enough how cool I think she is…Seriosuly, there are 62 more exchange students in Finland and I’m the luckiest one! She’s pretty, she has an awesome job, she’s amazing to talk with and she even brought me presents! Now I’m officially an owner of a scrap book (which is going to be filled with my memories from Finland) and a box filled with everything I need to make it pretty and cool (stuff also considered as wicked cool student supplies). I really like that! I will have to search for a photo studio now, where they can make my photos come “to life”. I can’t wait to do it!
And tomorrow I have only Finnish and music, but I’ll still end at 13.15, so…but then äiti and isä will pick me up from school and we’ll go to Loppi for the weekend. So don’t expect updates then, ok? 🙂
//Stef – Hyvä yöta, kaikille!