Okay, this may or may not be a rant.
I don’t give a fuck. Not currently anyway. This whole day has been awful.
Everyone keeps looking at me like I did something wrong, since that lecture in school I feel the need to cry my eyes out. Gergana is not picking up her phone, the weather sucks, the classes are boring and even I AM boring. I know Dario said yesterday that I’m the kind of person, who always looks happy and cheerful, but damn it, sometimes it’s really freaking hard. I just want to sit alone and think about what I have done during the day to make me so miserable. The worst part is that it’s all me. I can’t keep that mouth shut. I’m not feeling home at the moment, everything is so unstable, I’m gonna have a panic attack any time now. The people that I want to talk to are hating on me so bad currently, it’s not even funny. I walked all the way home from school with the rain splashing my face, cause I was too lazy to get my umbrella out. And I honestly thought that there’s no reason why I should do so. I’ve just suddenly lost any will to carry on with what I’m doing. I don’t want to go home, back to those hypocrites and jerks, but I don’t want to continue with anything. I just want to stop the time, feel better and then do something fun. I’m going to spend this day listening to crappy sad songs that I hte in my guts and I’m gonna feel sorry for myself, cause I have to live with this awful personality 24/7.
I gossip, I curse, I have a horrible laugh, I’m ugly, fat, my hair is super frizzy and I can’t keep my mouth shut. If I could go away from this person that I am now, I would. I wouldn’t be friends with me, I suck. And that’s why I’m miserable. I can’t escape from myself and be cool. I’ll always be this weird person like I’ve always been. I think people here can’t wait for me to go home. I think I don’t deserve to be here. They’re all too good for me. I feel rejected and humiliated at the same time. As if people hang out with me, because they feel sorry for me. Which is probably true. I don’t want them to be, I want them to like me. I used to be a likable person, right? If someone remembers, of course, I forgot my friends have lives too, they don’t really care about what happens to me. Thanks to Ivana for not talking to me EVEN ONCE for the period of 3 months, I really appreciate that. Bitch. I would still save your ass from whatever you get yourself into, but gosh, how I hate you right now…
I hate everyone. Everyone leaves for somewhere, I can’t believe how little I’ve achieved in my lifetime. The only people caring about me are my mom and my grandmother. Well, thank you guys, I don’t care about me, either. And not to sound emo or anything, but Mondays really, really, really suck…if you haven’t noticed.
School went horrible, I wish I could turn back the time and just not do anything the whole day. I knew it was going to suck and yet I went and made things as bad as I thought they were gonna be. Not even a lolcat can make me smile today. I feel worthless and miserable and I just want to cry. All I needed today is for Gergana to pick up her phone, pretend to see something random, make her voice sound like a duck and say “buhtichka”. And that was too much to ask of life.
And now the nice people in school hate me. Or at least, dislike me a lot. FML. I hate Mondays.
Have fun, everyone!
//Stef – честит рожден ден, мамо! Обичам те!