(copied from my word document, it’s from yesterday)
It’s Friday again and my Finnish test is now behind me. I think it went quite well.
I mean, I probably won’t get a 10, but I won’t fail for sure. I really want to learn this language and it’s kind of hard to start speaking it in public. It’s not like my pronunciation sucks, but you can tell I’m a foreigner and my grammar is often worse than I would like it to be and sometimes people laugh a lot with me. Of course I don’t take it personally, it really is kind of funny, but still…it makes me insecure about what I know. I’m thinking about joining a Finnish for foreigners course, cause I would like to improve my skills. I want to be able to have a decent conversation without wondering if it’s correct or not. I need practice, practice, practice. It’s too early to start a blog in Finnish, but hopefully I’ll be able to do that by Christmas time. If I have the strength, cause after all I have 3 blogs already and it would be kind of insane to start a 4-th one, but then again…it would help me improve my language A LOT. So I’m considering it. And speaking of writing in another language, I should update my Bulgarian blog. It’s just that I don’t know what to say in there…the only people, who read it are my classmates (and probably my mom) and I’m so mad at them that I don’t feel like making an effort to let them know how I am. Not that they care, but it would be cool if I just bragged about how nice it is in Finland and they would be so jealous, it’s worth writing something just to see their faces. OR I could start writing bad stuff, kind of what I really think about them , cause currently I do not wish to see anyone from PGT Varna. Except Rumen, maybe. But at least I can talk with him about something more than chalga and school.
I also don’t miss my friends, which I realize might sound bad, BUT I have a good excuse. So, my best friend is usually always 300 km away from me, so I see her like two times in a good year and being here is not much of a difference. We still keep in touch. And ok, I used to see Gosho (Gergana) every day, we were basically like Siamese twins, but she has Betina now and I have so much to do here that I rarely feel the need to talk to her.
What I do feel the need to do sometimes, though, is speak Bulgarian. I start mixing my languages. I know a word in English, but not in my native tongue, so I have to go to Google Translate and see what he has to say. That’s kind of sad. I know it’s gonna be okay, cause I’m going back in a year, but sometimes I just NEED to speak Bulgarian. And when I do, it’s usually with relatives and they’re so loud and my head starts to hurt and my dad keeps talking about fucking mothers (naturally) and I think of a nice thing to say, but it’s in English or Finnish, so they wouldn’t get it. And it’s all like a big Italian family. My aunt, grandmother, father and cousin are talking to me at the same time and I hate the sound of that, but at the same time I have to listen, cause then they get mad. I think I should just talk to myself. It sounds weird, but at least there aren’t 50 sentences in reply, when I say “Everything here is great”. I know that I should practice my Bulgarian, cause even though it’s my mother language, it’s kind of easy to forget (weird, I know), but it’s so hard to do it, while talking to actual Bulgarians…
Anyway, enough about my language frustrations, let’s talk about something else, shall we? I’m in Loppi right now, with my host family…just chilling. Today is supposed to be the warmest autumn day with the reasonable temperature of 21 degrees and I agree, it’s quite nice outside. So I decided to drink my coffee and eat that donut thing on the front porch.
And there’s Kiki keeping me company:
And look at the trees, ruska has started! It’s so beautiful, the autumn colors…I know that in Lapland everything is way cooler, but this isn’t bad either. So much nature…I love it!
And even though it’s supposed to be warm outside, the house is so cold, we had to put the fireplace on. But it’s okay now. And I quite like sitting in front of the fireplace and look at the fire, it’s so relaxing (and so is the sound of a heartbeat, seriously, you should try it!) And the fire reminds me of winter and winter reminds me of cinnamon and so we go to pulla. I think pulla is a great thing to eat in December, when you’re with the whole family drinking hot cocoa and watching Christmas movies near the fireplace. I believe I’m going to have a terrific Christmas this year! I hope so.
And by the way, I don’t know if you were aware, but the family I’m in currently is temporary, which means that I would have to change it. I was supposed to be here for only a week or two, but almost two months have passed already. The good news is that I finally have a permanent host family that is quite close (walking distance) to my current one, which means that I wouldn’t have to change my school. That’s GREAT news, since I really do love my school. Yesterday I didn’t have an exam, but I still went to see my friends. Everyone in Etis is awesome.
So my new family is quite big! I have 3 host brothers and one host sister, a mom and a dad. I have no idea what that’s going to be like, but they all seem super great! I’m excited about meeting them, which will be next Thursday after the test week is over. That’s when I’m moving in their house. It’s the stress all over again. What do I do when I meet them? Do we hug? Do I start asking questions immediately? Do I stay silent? First impression is very important, you know! 😀 I don’t know how it’s going to go, but I’ll try my best to behave, haha! And I think they’ll like me. I’m easy to live with..I think. So, one of my host brothers is 17 and he’s waiting to be 18 and get his driver license AND he’s training ice hockey…like a lot! Maybe it’s about time for me to learn the lyrics to “Nyt poika saunoo” and sing it to him, when we meet, it would be fun, haha! 😀 The other two host brothers are twins and they’re 13! Wohooo. And my host sister is one year younger than me and she’s loud, likes facebooking, acting, singing, fashion, pink and photography . I really think I’ll be in heaven. All of the above are things I love. So… And as I understood, I have two more host sisters, but they’re both living outside of Espoo on their own, cause they’re old enough and everything. But we’re gonna be 7 people in one house, WOW! 😀 This should be fun considering that I used to live only with my mom back in Varna! GUYS, I’M NERVOUS. THEY HAVE TO LIKE ME!!!!!
And my life is going pretty well, overall. People thought that I wouldn’t like Finland, that I would want to go back home by now, that I’d miss my city and friends…I’M NOT THAT WEAK. And even if I was, this life is so much better than the one I had in Varna, mainly because the people here are on a whole new level of awesome. And I also think that someone is going to literally have to drag me to the plane, when it’s time to go, cause I’m not going anywhere on my own. I’ll call friends, run away, sleep on the street, I don’t know, but I sure as hell won’t be an easy one to get back home. I’m enjoying myself way too much to want it to be over. And it’s weird how I talk about the end so often, when only 2 months have passed, but it’s just that it’s always in the back of my mind and I hate that little voice that keeps saying “10 more months left, yo!”. NO!!!! I want to stay here forever. Please, someone stop the time. PLEASE. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do with my life for a whole year, when I go to Varna. Graduate, of course, take some final exams and go to university, but I want to study in Finland. It would be so cool. Seriously, YFU said that we shouldn’t have expectations, but I did have ones and they’ve been exceeded. That’s what I call a good start. I know that people here probably don’t care about me as much as I do about them, but I can’t help it, I like them. Noora, Assu, Saara, Karen, Jorge, Verkku, Rasse, Henkka, Jamppa, Joel, Nora, Iida, Kaisa, Iisa, Emma, Nelli, Laura, Eve, Jere, Ribushkin (and all the other ib fuckers), they’re all just awesome. And sorry to tell, Bulgarian friends of mine, but most of you can only dream about being this cool. Why would I ever want to come back to you? 😀 WHERE’S THE LOGIC???
But yeah, I’ll stop insulting my nation’s youth now, I’m part of it and okay, there are some pretty awesome Bulgarians out there, but… you know…FINLAND IS AWESOME!!!!!!
Just sayin’.. J
By the way, I was thinking today that I’ve been blogging non-stop for more than 3 years! I’ve had my blog on wordpress for a little less than 2 years and I have quite a lot of posts, but I also have posts from before that (2008). I guess I can officially say that I have found something that I like to do – a hobby. Everyone is saying that I’m not serious enough to do something for a long period of time, but what do you call blogging then? And a lot of people read my posts, too, which is cool, cause it means that my writing isn’t as bad as I thought it was. Thanks to everyone, who made an effort to get this far in my post and thank you to those, who are frequent readers, you’re kinda the reason why I keep writing. Of course, it’s also because I love it, but it’s so much cooler, when people actually take time to see what’s happening to me, give an advice or an opinion. It really means a lot to me, guys! Thanks!
And there’s a butterfly trying to get out through the closed window. You know I’m a good person and I’d let it out if I wasn’t so terrified of those creatures. But I am. So I’m just gonna put my troll face on and exit the living room…
P.S: Those two pictures were taken after this was written, but oh my god, both are just …. <333333333
//Stef – Until next time!