Jatkuuuu

Hey, again.

Yay, Sunday no post – I managed! Awesome.

Anyway, before I continue with the YFU questions, I just want to briefly tell you about my day. It was nice and super strange. First of all, I had to get up fucking early, but that’s no surprise, since I have to get up at 6 eeeeeeeeevery single morning except for Fridays (and weekends). But this morning, everyone were rushing to somewhere, doing stuff, screaming and running…damn it was intense. There were 10 people in the house AND the dog. Laura, Saara, Iiris, Aleksanteri, Joonatan, Pietari, Aleksanteri, Maarit and Hannu went to the airport minutes before I had to leave for school. And now, I guess they’re already in Egypt. How awesome?! ❤ I’m here with Chiki and Nutti until Friday, when I’ll go to Salla’s place for Christmas. But I already got my presents:

I don’t have the slightest idea what they are, but I’m gonna open them on Christmas. And I’ll see then. In school, the 1-st class went quickly, the second one VERY slowly, ugh. Then reasonably fun lunch (not too fun, but okay, I guess) and geography was nice. Studied Finnish a bit and it was fun until one point and then Henkka decided that he’s gonna talk only Finnish to me, cause I gotta learn it. And Noora, Assu and Jamppa joined in and it was just plain weird. But ok. I can do this. 😉 After that I had a skip in which I decided I want a koala as a pet (or more like, confirm it) and then we had extremely short dancing practice. It wasn’t short, but it seemed like only 15 minutes. These things go by fast. After that I went home and took Nuutti on a long walk, since he’s been closed in the house for such a long time, all alone 😦 He deserved some treat! And that leads us to here and yeah…the yfu questions!

How much Finnish do we use in our conversations?

I try. I really do. Sometimes I would just slip Finnish words into the conversation, but often the people don’t realize that I don’t understand a great deal of what they’re saying, so they think that just because I said something in Finnish, that means that I want them to switch the languages in the convo. I understand A LOT MORE than I can speak. Because I know the words, I just don’t know how to put them in a sentence, but once I hear it, it’s not difficult to make up the sense. It’s a difficult language. I try to learn as much as possible, but when my friends start talking TO ME in Finnish, I start feeling like a little kid and the anxiety takes over and I panic and I end up saying something completely stupid. The sad story of my life. It’s difficult to speak openly, since I KNOW it’s not perfect and I want it to be. I’m not used to not doing things perfectly. People should not laugh, when they hear me speak and the “What? I didn’t understand” sentence just kills my enthusiasm faster than a Jamaican person running for his life. But I do have conversations in Finnish. I don’t speak English with Aleksanteri almost at all and Maarit very often speaks to me in Finnish. I watch TV with them, listen to music and so on. I’m just afraid of my pronunciation…

This is the stage in which the long and lasting friendships are formed with your schoolmates and your host family. It  is most often only after Christmas that you begin to see which relationships are the ones that will last, as it is now that all the exciting new things have turned into routine and everyday life. Thus, it is now that your life in Finland starts to become a bit more normal and you can start enjoying what you have built so far. So, try to remember what you wanted from these relationships and check where you stand with that. Now at latest is the time to make the efforts — it will definitely be rewarding!

Long and lasting friendships? I’ve been friends with the same people all those months, I don’t think I’m changing them. And yeah, my family is awesome, too. I want to see which relationships are going to last NOW. Can’t I? What’s the matter, YFU, I have to wait until 26-th? Uhhh. 😦 Too long! And the exciting new “routines” will indeed start being something I’m already used to, but every week there’s something new that I’m looking forward to, so I don’t think it’s gonna be like that. And yeah, I have built some sort of a life here, but it’s very artificial in the sense that I got a lot of help to make it and yeah, it was my initiative to make it work, but it’s not all me. It’s never going to really be a life, I will always want to do MORE here and see more, be with people more, socialize more, I’ll never be relaxed and say to myself “If not now, tomorrow..”, it will always be “RIGHT NOW. I’M NOT GETTING THIS DAY BACK, I HAVE TO USE IT!!!”. What I want from the relationships I have will never be reached as I want perfection and this is my aim. What perfection means to me is a very mysterious topic. It’s more than this now, but it’s so much more that I’m not even gonna try to reach it. Where do I stand with that? I’m almost satisfied with my efforts. It’s not like I have a certain plan I’m following, I’m quite chilled about how things are going with my life. Just have fun and stuff…even though I do tend to screw things up often, nobody notices. As for any future efforts – I’m too lazy to make myself look good in front of the others. I’m just gonna be myself, be an ass and an idiot and whoever likes it is welcome to be my friend. It’s too difficult trying to be perfect all the time. Not that I’m not, but people see things differently. So I won’t try that much. Whatever happens – happens. I’ll deal with it later. I’m just gonna show more of myself and that’s it.

Are you active enough?

I don’t think that means physical activity. Does it? Anyhow, I am active. I try to be. There’s no other way this would work. “Enough” is a term someone has to define, cause I can always do more, but I don’t want to. I feel good like this and I’m spending a lot of time on my computer, but I don’t feel like I’m living back in BG, since I almost don’t use it to communicate with anyone from there. I do a lot of things on my own, for example this blog is very time consuming and I try to make it as personal as I can, without giving out too much information to strangers. It’s my diary and I think it’s a nice way to just say what’s on my mind without bothering other people. And some seem to like it, so I’m down. But I also do a lot of things with other people. Family and friends. I go to concerts, parties, I make dinner with the siblings and we go out bowling or just watch ice hockey/swimming games. I don’t think I’m not active enough.

Have I taught people about my culture?

Uh, no. I have told them about Bulgaria, but traditions and culture? No. Everyone will be so surprised, when March comes. They don’t know what kuker means or nestinarstvo or martenitsa. My friends don’t want to know or at least that’s the impression I’ve been left with. Bulgaria is not that famous here. Nobody hates the place, but nobody really wants to know something extra. My family asks sometimes and I feel guilty for not doing the Bulgarian food dinner yet, but everything in it’s time. I feel like people don’t want to know about my culture, but it’s a fact that I’m carrying it in myself, so they’re getting to know a Bulgarian, whether they want it or not. Cause as different as I am from most Bulgarians, I’m still a stereotypical teenager. I don’t let out so much, but sometimes I do it without realizing. They’re probably sick of me saying “In Bulgaria, we do it like this…”, but I can’t really help it, so… But the true culture that we have – the old taverns and mats and the good stuff, basically, nobody knows about. Sad. But there’s still time and those who want to learn shall do so. 🙂

What about any love interest?

Meeeeh…2 of my previous classmates are trying to do something and get their ground ready for when I go back, but naaaah. Not interested. There’s someone here who acts like he likes me and maybe he does, who knows. Dunno if I’m interested, though. We don’t hang out that much and there’s not really the willingness to put an effort into trying to talk to him, so…but why is this a question anyway?

This doesn’t seem to end, so I’ll just put a stop to it here.

//Stef – see you soon, I guess.

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