Grandfather…

Hello, people…

I wish to take this time to honor my grandfather – Hristo, who passed away today at his home, peacefully I HOPE.

First of all, I want to say I am in shock. This cannot be happening. Is it weird to feel extremely sad? He’s not my parent, but he has played a huge part in my life. Now I can’t believe he’s gone…not even a year after my other grandfather died. Grandpa Hristo’s condition was a severe case of senile dementia and it was no surprise to anyone that his death would come soon. He couldn’t recognize me if I went to visit him (which was almost every week) and of course, it didn’t make me very happy, but crying about it was pointless. It is what it is and we just had to deal with it for a year. But you know what’s sad?

The man I knew as my real grandfather is gone… all those memories from “Ravna gora” (our house in the village) and how I was his “little monkey”, because I was always so hyper active are flushing in. All the wooden toys he made me, the 7 swings he personally made and put in our back yard, so all the kids were jealous of me for having such a cool grandfather. When I was scared to fall asleep in the night, because of the big bad bear, he would come and sleep in the bed in front of me, so when the bear comes, he could chase it away. He got up at 4 in the morning to go to the best bakery in town, so he could get the best “banitsa sus sirene i boza” (banitsa with feta cheese and boza … 😀 ) and bring them warm and nice to me, when I had to get up and go to kinder garden every morning. He would play with me secretly. He would poke me and when I turn around, he would act as if he didn’t do anything. You could NEVER hear him say “I love you” to anyone, but you could see it in his eyes, the way he looks and that hidden smile, when he’s trying to look serious.

He’s had many possibilities to scream at me and punish me, but he’s never done that. He always sent me to my grandmother with the hope that she would play the bad cop. Every time, when he went to the store, he got my favorite treats and he also gave them to me secretly, without anyone knowing, cause I wasn’t allowed to eat sugar after 4 pm. I can say, without a doubt, that I was his favorite grandchild. (I’m sorry, cousins, but we all know that I’M the precious piece of diamond in both grandma and grandpa, It’s never been a secret!). The rest often got jealous of the way he’s treating me and not them, but I’ve always been the youngest one (with more than 10 years apart from the rest) and I’m the daughter of his only son, who has always been problematic, so it’s understandable that I was treasured. But you know what, I’ve always had the same feelings for him. He’s always been my favorite grandfather (Sorry, mom, but…fact.), I’ve always loved him. And it’s true that my relationship with these grandparents (from father’s side) has always been REALLY strong and in the past years, I’d go see them at least twice a week, just because I wanted to and not because someone made me. Before he got bad, I talked to him a lot about how my days are going and sometimes we would sing a song about it together…as strange as it sounds to those, who know him. He’s been more of a father figure to me, than your regular grandfather…and he has always given his all for me, which I will ALWAYS appreciate. I’m sad that he got to see all of his grandchildren have kids, except for me. And I’m sad that my kids will never get to see him. But they will hear stories about him…I promise. He hasn’t exactly been a saint, according to my grandmother, but whatever bad things he has done, they will be forgotten. Because I cannot say anything, but good things about this man. Rest in peace, grandpa! I love you.

This is from 2011, I suppose. The only picture of him I have… 😦 And grandma! ❤ (he’s not bald, I don’t know why it looks like that in the pic. He has thick white hair…had…)

Now, after hearing this extremely bad news, I can’t help it but feel bad. All the more reason to want to go back to school. I don’t need to be alone right now. I need to talk to my friends about random stuff, I need to be occupied with something and not be so down. This really affected me, since I was close to that man… I need to keep myself busy…I don’t want to deal with this right now. But unfortunately, there are two more days of weekend, in which I have no plans whatsoever, so if something doesn’t change, I’m going to have to just….man up for a while. 😦

Christ, this is sad…I have a lump in my throat! 😦 😦 😦

//Stef – I hope my mom goes to the funeral, as well, since she knows how important she was for grandpa Hristo, even though she divorced dad long time ago.

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