I can’t say I’m feeling bad.
But it’s weird…it feels unnatural, when I’m talking, as if someone else is controlling my body. I feel really in touch with my thoughts right now and vocalizing them is strange, because I can’t explain them well either. But I don’t know if you have this…I UNDERSTAND myself and my emotions…hallelujah. Or more like, I’ve come in terms with whatever I have inside and it’s this relaxed sensation that gives me the reassurance that everything is going to be okay…eventually. Not that it isn’t now, I mean, my life is pretty sweet, but I keep on worrying about bullshit. And I payed attention to my last few dreams…all of them really weird.
I’m trying to tell myself something and I haven’t figured it out completely yet, but I have a vague idea of what it might be. Subconscious is one hell of a trooper for me. Cause things I would never dare to even think to myself, because of the fear that someone might read my thoughts (ridiculous, but still) and because of my heavy self-judgmental hand, are now swimming out and I’m cool with it. Whatever. I just need some more time, before I put all the pieces together and decide what to do and how to act. Maybe I’m maturing by just a tiny little bit. I will face the problem when it comes, not necessarily with the help of others. Cause they can’t do anything, but give advises and frankly, they don’t care. Which is fine.
Except for my best friend maybe, but I think she’s busy with a lot of work, boyfriend and exams. Can’t talk to her all the time, but even if I could, I wouldn’t. Enough information is enough. I tell her a great deal of things and I’m completely honest about how I feel and what do I think with her. A trace that is rare to see in my personality. I don’t always tell the truth, sometimes I go around it and make people forget about it. I’m not interested in every person’s life, so I don’t see the need for others to know about my private stuff. If I have to count how many people know, for example, the 1 thing I don’t like about my father, that would be 0. No friend has ever known or will know this. But also for others, if I’m interested and I see that the person doesn’t want to talk about it, I tactically step aside and let them live their life. So yeah, my point was that I’m wondering if I should even tell someone about what’s up, once I put it together.
Other than that, the days have been really good. Yesterday was Salla’s engagement party and it was REALLY nice, lot’s of sugar and other food………I overate big time. And today I had my geography exam, which was a piece of cake, I expect a good grade on this one, at least an 8 (out of 10). We’ll see how it goes! 😀 And tomorrow I don’t have any tests, but I will go to school anyway, cause I’m gonna skate with my friends in Tapiola and surprise, surprise, they have tests! At least, I’ll get to sleep until 10 or so…but yeah, the day should be fun!
Other than that, I decided to post a few old pictures of me in bg…with friends. I don’t miss them ALL that much, but it’s good to remember the times…from summer 2010, was it? Or maybe 2009, I’m not sure.
And then a picture of Dubai (my mom took the shot and I rather like it)
And then a picture of me from this October that I haven’t posted anywhere…but it’s still a good memory:
The wonders of the Finnish fall… 🙂
But now I have to study a bit Finnish, cause I have my class starting in 2 hours and I want to be prepared. 😛
//Stef – you kids have fun.