I’m back, very much alive and kicking!
I take it you want to hear how my holiday in Levi went?! Well, it was quite nice! The train ride to Kolari was a bit over 16 hours, but it didn’t seem as much back then, cause I slept, or at least tried to do so, for most of the time. The first day I didn’t do anything, since I arrived at 15.00 pm and I couldn’t really go skiing or snowboarding, cause it was too late…the night was HORRIBLE. One of the worst nights I’ve had in Finland, if not THE worst. I know I say I’m not a cry baby, but based on that I take it all back. I cried inconsolably for hours and hours, my eyes were all red and I just wanted a hug from my real mom, to be like a little kid and be immature and childish in her arms. It was so sad…I SERIOUSLY thought about the idea of coming early home to Bulgaria, cause all of a sudden everything back there felt like HOME and I wanted to feel relieved for a while.
I wanted to hug my grandma and show her pictures, I wanted to talk to my mom, to Gergana, to Yani, to go to my old school and see Victor, Rumen, Ivana, Cveti and I was crying because I was feeling so, so, so guilty about the person I am and the trouble I was causing and there was a specific reason for that, but let’s not go there. Bottom line was that I was feeling like crap for probably 4 hours and I really spoiled the dinner for everyone, for which I am sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I’m not as hardcore and most people think and I just bent under the pressure. So as I was planning a way to “drop the news” to everyone, or more like preparing to hear the news that I’d be sent home, countless things were running through my mind – my life here, is it worth to throw it all away, what does that make me if I do so, will I regret it later, what about my friends and family? I didn’t give two hoots about how everyone else would feel, actually. But I knew that I would miss Maarit, Hannu, my siblings and my friends like crazy, because I do like it better here…with the exception that this will never be “home” the way my house in Varna is. But it’s pretty damn close. Anyway, I was thinking how everyone would react, when I say this and that it’s coming out of the blue, then I thought that no one would actually care and that I’m living in my little world of make-believe, where people appreciate me and care about me, when in reality, I’m just fooling myself to make the feeling of loneliness go away. And just as I was at my lowest point, somewhere around 22.00, Jazz texted me from Austria, asking for my address, so she could send me a card from there. That was seriously the reason why I changed my mind. And also my siblings and my family. They all showed me in their own way that they love me and don’t want me to go anywhere. But Jazz made me see it.
I felt really good and that text was JUST what I needed. She didn’t know anything of what was going on and I wasn’t going to tell any of my friends, cause I didn’t want to appear as a drama queen (which, let’s admit it, I tend to be quite often). I realized that NONE of my Varna friends would ever do that for me and frankly, I wouldn’t be as touched by the same gesture if it was coming from someone, for whom I didn’t care as much about. I decided that nothing of what I was thinking was clear and that by the morning, everything would be different. I just slept it off. And it WAS different in the morning. It was much, much better, I enjoyed the day! I had my first snowboarding lesson and even though I wasn’t a pro, I was quite good! I managed to get on the “ankkuri” lift and go to the top of one of the tracks and go down with style! 😀 It was awesome!
Second day was even more awesome, since I got a hold of Aleksanteri’s skis! It was awkward, cause his skis have a naked woman all over them, so I REALLY looked like a lesbian with them. 😀 And while in the bus towards the southern part of Levi, people were staring quite weirdly. 😀 Hahaha. But hey, another thing about skis – I’m really good with them as well. Had a few scary moments at the top of the south track in the beginning, but now I know how to control speed, stop, turn and enjoy pretty much. I’m a fast learner (not to boast or anything, but it was badass :D) First day I went up the blue track only once, but on the second day I SKIED home! That’s huge, you guys! I was sore and everything hurt and I wished for a quick and painless death for a couple of times, but even I am surprised that I’m actually good at winter sports. With the rate that I’m learning, I could be a pro in a week and I already have 3 days of practice. I was supposed to fall A LOT at the zero point super, mega steep track, the last challenge of a true fighter, but I fell only once and it was because the turn I made was too sharp. I’m almost a skier. Suck on that, bitches!
And by the way, why is every freaking restaurant/souvenir shop/any other kind of shop in Lapland named “hullu poro” or something to do with those two words in different combinations? Seriously? A lot of crazy reindeers, we get it! 😀 Chill! And speaking of reindeers, we went to the rock restaurant “Vanha hullu poro” (what a surprising and original name, haha) and we celebrated Aleksanteri’s 18-th birthday there and the food was nice…except that we had to wait an eternity to get it. But it was really nice. I ordered dirty fingers spicy chicken wings and reindeer soup. Mmmm.
The last night, me, Iiris and Joonatan went outside for a little walk and had fun there as well. We went on one of the hills, where you could see the whole city from and we were just being stupid for half an hour. It was lovely! ❤ And during the night I texted Henkka for a while… As for the next day, the traveling back home never seemed to end…SERIOUSLY! Hour and a half in a bus from Levi to Kolari from there a train to Helsinki that also lasted…as you can imagine…FREAKING LONG TIME. I couldn’t sleep, so it every minute was passing ever more slowly and I had no space to move, since the train was full of people until we reached Tampere, which meant 11 hours of pure misery. Felt like 100000000000 years!!!!! I hated it, ugh! But now I’m finally home and I can relax this weekend. Tomorrow I already have a meeting with Laura (my YFU bffffff) and we gon’ have fuuuuuuuun.
School is just around the corner and as it seems, it’s the one thing that keeps me mentally stable, so I kind of can’t wait to start it again. Sorry guys. I do like Etis. But yeah, here you go, some pics:
And yeah, I did look quite fashionable, didn’t I? 😀 All colors on me, hell yeah! Nothing better than a failed color block and “naked” skis. Gotta love Finland!
//Stef – wuhuu