I’m extremely weird today.

It’s no one’s fault, I was relatively fine, before the guys started asking me what’s my problem and why am I pms-ing so hard. Fuck you, that’s why. The weirdest part was me getting mad at Joel for saying that I tend to get mad. Whatever. I’m ok. It’s just that I thought we’ll be doing something, cause Rasse had an idea to go to a picnic and all of a sudden all of the guys pussy out to Joel’s place for nintendo. Well, fine, what do you want me to do about it, dance the happy dance? Noora sent me a message asking what’s going on and the answer, just like almost always was “nothing”. I’m sick and tired of being the only one, who’s excited about going out with my friends. I’m not saying we don’t go out or anything, but the moment something better comes up, they flee. Especially Henkka. He’s not even pretending, he’s like “your idea is boring and I have better things to do and I don’t want to come, so I’m not coming…”. I appreciate his honesty, but frankly, he’s always bored with all ideas. I’ve had it with trying to get as many people as possible to attend one fucking event. This picnic is not what it’s all about. Every time I try to organize something, half of the people can’t make it and the other half don’t even answer my texts/posts. And I thought I deserved some decency. Whatever. I’m ok.

Then I also have to cope with the shit going on in Bulgaria and can I just say, I loathe the moment I will go back. I don’t want to. Even the good things I have to say about this fucking place won’t change my mind. Everyone there has given up on life and their souls are dead. I hate it. Everyone complaining about how much their joints hurt and how little money they have. I fucking despise it. I don’t ever, ever, ever want to go back for more than a week. I always knew I wasn’t supposed to be born there, now I belong nowhere, cause no country will take me as their own. I hate the bloody Bulgarian language, not only is it easy as fuck, it’s also slavic, hence everyone thinks I’m Russian and though we were the first ones to use it, Russia is freaking 4567890 times bigger than Bulgaria. I’m still a living person with hopes and dreams and ambitions, I don’t want the government to crush all of that like they did with everyone else. I want to be independent, have my own place, make my own money and worry about my own problems, I don’t want to talk to my dad 24/7 or mom, for that matter, everyone constantly complains and I don’t feel like listening to it.

Also, Karen is mad at me, but I’m not gonna say “sorry” for things I mean, so idgaf, let her rage all she wants.

On the good side, Maarit made pulla today and it was really good.




  1. Wow…..sorry, I guess I can say that I have been there and I am often at the place that you are now. Keep your chin up! You are whatever your nationality you want to be and your home is where your heart is! I just have to say that after 15 years of speaking very infrequently Bulgarian, I caught myself talking to myself ( those are the best conversations that I have BDW…no talking back or arguing) in Bulgarian….. hahahaha
    If you ever want to vent in private, send me an e-mail, I am just across the ocean from you! Deni
    PS. Don’t be mad at your friends, they are your friends and you deep down inside love them very much!!!!!

  2. that’s true…I’m just frustrated with some of them…

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