Some thoughts?

Hey, world!

It’s 01:30 am and I’m listening to Coldplay, so naturally, something really depressing is coming up!

I had a party today. Well “party” wouldn’t be the exact word, since there was no alcohol and Laura’s friends were there, too, so half-naked men and women coming up and down the stairs weren’t a strange sight at all. But my friends showed up. All of them (except for Noora and Karen, but they had a good excuse). It was a really, really, really late birthday celebration and I was happy the whole day. First of all, I didn’t feel bad at all. I was hoping that they wouldn’t bring presents, cause I don’t know how to receive them, but they did…and they were amazing! All I was hoping for was for them to show up, because for once, their company meant more than any present. But they still surprised me. And each and every gift was well thought out, which made me go all “awwwww” even more. It shows that they’ve been paying attention to me and they know what makes me happy! Even I didn’t know that…I’m really touched. Though presents are not everything.

We had a great time with each other! We listened to music, we were telling jokes and we even watched Eurovision. You can’t imagine how much I like these people. It’s like…every time someone else is talking about how cool their friends are, I think “you think that, cause you haven’t met mine” and I feel like what we have is special on so many levels. Not with EVERYONE, but with enough people. I care about them and I really do wish them only good stuff and happiness.

So in that relation, I wanna say something about time…

Time is a present. If you fail to use it properly, the loss is yours. There’s no turning back, there are no tomorrows you can live in advance, you have to live with the amount of each day! We should invest it in the best way we can, like in health, happiness and success. The clock continues advancing, so we should take advantage of the time. To appreciate the value of one year, ask a student, who has to repeat the course. To appreciate the value of a month, ask a mother, who has given birth to a premature baby. To appreciate the value of one week, ask a weekly magazine editor. To appreciate the value of one hour, ask lovers, who anxiously wait seeing each other. To appreciate the value of a minute, ask a person, who has just missed the bus. To appreciate one second, ask a person, who has won an Olympic silver medal. To appreciate the value of one life, ask someone, who has lost their chance. We must treasure every moment we have and treasure it more, because we have it shared with somebody special…someone so special that deserves a part of your time.

My point is that I am now realizing that time flies SO FAST and my inability to stop it is bothering me. I try to grasp every happy moment that I have experienced here in Finland and I try to relive it again, because I don’t want to ever go home and it’s almost time…I’m not gonna get lost in the past, but I think, maybe the biggest thing I’ve learned here is Appreciation. Not only for just time, but people as well. My family – for taking me in as one of them and giving me their home and love and advice. My real parents – for seeing my true wishes and respecting them, even though it hurts them not being close to me for so long! My friends – for taking the time to actually get to know me and make me feel happy with their presence. And I appreciate all of that, because I know I’m about to lose it in a way. Not completely and not irreversibly, but things will never be the same again. And life goes on, my life in another direction. But I have the tendency to cling into the present and not want the future to come, especially, when I’m having a good time. But it will. And it will hit me just as hard as the present did. Just have to deal with it.

What I can’t imagine, though is saying goodbye to, for example, Joel, Henkka, Jamppa, Jazz, Emma, Johanna…my friends. For most of them it will be easy. They’ll give me a hug and say goodbye, but for me, that moment will break my heart, cause I kind of over-think things. I will think “24 hours ago, we were together and how I don’t even know when/if I’ll see them again!” It’s going to be one of the worst moments of my life, I’m absolutely sure! Soon, I’ll walk down the same old streets, breathe the same old air, see the same old people, go to the same old school, do the same old things. It’s frustrating to think about. So I won’t right now.

I’m going to listen to the rest of the Coldplay songs, the ones Johanna so thoughtfully gave to me, and then go to bed, possibly…

//Stef – sorry for dramatizing again…


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