Yeah, hey!

So, I’m in a good mood, though I shouldn’t be.

I have a SHIT LOAD of stuff to study, more than 20 exams, yet I haven’t been doing much studying, cause I know that I’ll pass all of the subjects. Yet, I should study. And I will…after I clean my room. Which will be soon. But just by looking at it, I want to hide somewhere in a hole and die of embarrassment. It’s so messy. Nothing new here – I’m a lazy motherfucker, but even if I try, no matter how many times I clean and for how many hours, this room has it’s own way of just staying in it’s default mode – messy. I’ve seen it clean no more than 10 times during my life and that’s not much at all…considering that my room in Finland was always on some scale of the “okay” mode and here we can notice that we’ve dropped down to “Did a bomb fall here or what?”, so yeah…not exactly proud of my abilities to fuck up, but I PROMISE TO MYSELF and my blog that I will clean it today and I will keep it clean, so I can study. Cause studying in a mess is not cool. At all. Dear God, please help me fit all of my clothes in this rather big room of mine. Every place, where there could be clothes, is already close to exploding and I really think that it’s time to throw some stuff out, no matter how much I love them and how much memories they bring. Enough is enough.

And this summer is also giving me extreme allergies, which is NOT good. My mom had to come over (from being on a date) at 2 am one night, go to the only open pharmacy in the neighborhood and get me some strong medicine, cause shit was really going down. She knows that once I almost died from that and I got admitted to a hospital and she didn’t believe me then, when I told her I couldn’t breathe. I used to…ummm…find my way out of school back then and she was like “You ain’t gon’ skip school tomorrow, don’t even think about it, you’re fine!”, but when I went to the hospital on my own, which by the way takes all of your strength, when you can’t breathe, I collapsed in front of my personal doctor’s door, while waiting for my turn. My mom was called immediately and I scared the living hell out of her – my doctor was so mad at her for not calling ambulance over to take me, so now she knows that when I say “Allergy is back”, she runs like Bolt to get me medicine. Usually the allergy is consisted of me just having to sneeze 13 times a minute, eyes water and nose becomes stiff, but in extreme cases, my…”air pipes?” get smaller to the point, when it’s a real struggle to get just one breath and eventually you could die. But yeah, this has happened only once, so…but she still brought me these nasal drops that were SO strong, once I put them in, I felt this “holy shit, my nose is burning” sensation, my eyes watered even more and I started to cough. BUT. They helped me a lot. After the second time I took them, it all went away. I can breathe freely! I can smell the summer…not the most pleasant smell on earth, if I must add…especially, if you’re passing a garbage bin. Ew. But still better than cursing your life for not being able to watch a single movie, without breaking for a 5 minute walk outside. Ugh!

The days have been alright, though…yesterday I went shopping with Gergana, I bought 3 t-shirts, one blazer, one belt, fall-ish shirt and new shoes. That’s what I do…I shop. I like shopping. I also got a new set of eye shadow and a blush brush. Went to my grandma, as well…I ate chicken with rice, but it’s so salty that I can’t eat more than a spoon at a time…though it’s delicious…I’m kind of more into fruits at the moment. I’ve been eating watermelon and peaches almost every day. They’re so juicy and sweet and it makes you go all “sweet jesus, that’s good”, something that only chocolate can replace. And did I ever tell you that my mom’s boyfriend installed Windows 7 on my computer? Did I? Well, if not, there you go. And it’s awesome, cause I got to keep all of my pictures, movies and music. Though that’s not much altogether. But still – I saved it. And now everything looks amazing. And I’ve given myself away to movies. 3-4-5-6 movies every day…cause movies are nice. I re-watched the  Hunger Games, then I watched “This means war” and “Ted”, and “Pirates! Band of Misfits”, “The ugly truth – again”, “The proposal”, “27 dresses” and just all kinds of  non-engaging recent movies. Some of them were complete bullshit, but others were rather funneh. Nothing bad with spending your summer watching movies (except, when you have to study for university, but some of us are good at multitasking).

Oh, and I also finally got to see my other grandma…my mom’s mother. I’ve been delaying this moment for a month, but it finally came. I begged my mom to come with me, because frankly, walking alone on that fucking weird road, where no car dares to enter is boring, tiring and just…no. Besides, nothing wrong for a daughter to see her mother. Except that my mom and my grandma have some sort of really fucked up relationship. Instead of me, having company on the way there and back, I had a drama-queen next to me. She was mad at me for making her do something she doesn’t want to do, when I could see that she was obviously intentionally blocking everything to do with seeing my grandma. I KNOW she loves her mom, why the hell doesn’t she want to see her. And she comes up with reasons from the past that no one cares about anymore, so it was like talking to a child. It really pissed me off, as well. Who’s the mother in this family… Well, at least she came with me and we talked for an hour or two. It was awkward for me as well, cause my aunt (my mom’s smallest sister) was there with her kid and I don’t really have anything to say to them…not a single thing. So, when we were alone, I had to make small talk for half an hour, which was tiring. And since mom took her boyfriend with us, as well, my grandma and aunt decided that now would be a great time for them to say everything that’s wrong with their computers, and since he’s there already, he can fix all of their problems. It’s kind of an annoying attitude, to think that he’ll do it absolutely for sure and not even asking if it’s possible. Hypocritical in a way, I didn’t like it. And of course, since he’s a nice guy, he fixed everything that was wrong and yeah…then we went home, that was pretty much it.

Then, on the next day, aunt Mina called me from Dubai (my mom’s other sister) and we talked for like 40 minutes and we hung up, cause she had to go to work. I love talking to her. We’re more like friends than relatives. We were laughing at my mom and everyone else we knew, we talked about men, about her, about me, about my cousins (her two kids, Alex and Gabi) and….she’s so much like me, it’s amazing. My mom is the oldest, aunt Mina in the middle and aunt Lora is the youngest. It’s weird how apart from my mom, I have so much to tell to Mina and I have NOTHING for Lora. I don’t know how that happens, but I guess it’s because of how our relationships have spun around. Mina has always been nice to me, brought me presents from abroad every time she came to Bulgaria, we were close before she had the kids, but after that we became SO MUCH more closer. And when her husband died, I stayed with her to take care of the children, who were just the cutest things ever. I also helped her recover from the car crash they were in…I gave her medicine shots and bathed her, cooked whatever she wanted, cleaned, talked to her, lived with her…but it was never heavy for me. I’ve always loved my aunt and she took care of me, as well. She’s just the best! 🙂 And of course, I also love my two cousins. Alex and Gabi – I was there for their birth, I’ve changed their diapers, saw their first steps, taught them their first words, cleaned  their mess, took them on walks. And the feeling, when they run towards you to hug you, when they see you is just amazing. They probably don’t remember all those things, since they’re 6 and 5 now and it’s been more than a year, since I last saw them, but I remember. 🙂 And it’s nice. I’m kinda jealous of my mom that she spends every day with them in Dubai and she’s going back to them again…but that’s life. And unfortunately, I won’t be able to see them this year either, because they’re not coming to Varna – not the children, nor my aunt. I’m sad about this. :/ But yeah, I guess we’ll keep talking over skype and that’s it. Whaddaya gonna do about it?!

And now, off to grandma’s again – daddy orders. 😀

//Stef -peace out for the random post that turned out to be long. 


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