Another post yet again…can I stay away?
This time I’m gonna talk about best friends. Is there such a thing as a best friend? What makes him/her the right one for you? And why do they sometimes change? And what does it all mean anyway? I’ve had 4 best friends throughout my life so far.
Ailin. We were 1-st grade, when we met and our frienship lasted no longer than 2 years. I don’t even remember how she looks like anymore. I haven’t seen her since fifth grade. I don’t even remember what we were doing together, probably some kid stuff like play outside and draw pictures and whatnot. I remember she was turkish and her dad had a bag-selling business, now I don’t even remember his name or his face. I just know that he has a mustache. Needless to say, this friendship wasn’t really a fundamental one, but we hanged out together a lot and our parents knew each other. But I still remember her as a sweet kid, she always let me be the brains. She was cool.
Victoria. I was best friends with her for about 5 years. She was really stupid. I don’t mean it in a bad way, but she was almost held back 3 years, cause she couldn’t do 4-th grade math and she pretty much sucked at everything. But she had a huge ego and thought that she could control me all the time. She was from Provadia (another city) and I’d sometimes go and visit her there. We had sleepovers every once in a while, we used to fight a lot and stay mad at each other for days and days. One day she just switched schools, moved apartment and I saw her 3 or 4 times in total from then on. It wasn’t something that we both cared about, especially since we had already started to replace each other.
Roksana. She’s probably the best “best friend” I’ve had. Together we were on top of the world. She was super smart, we were on the top of our class in every subject, always together, always sharing things. She was really, really, really nice. And pretty. What happened there was high school. We were accepted in different schools and she had more to study than I did, so she didn’t have that much time to hang out and things just drifted apart somehow. But we did have a perfect symbiosis between each other. But still – we were young and didn’t exactly know how to keep our friendship, so it self-destructed. Though no fights were involved. Just time…
Gergana. Well, she’s still supposed to be my best friend, but I call bullshit on that. With her, keeping the friendship isn’t the problem. We were never in the same school, yet somehow we were always together. I liked her in 8-th and 9-th grade, she was really making an effort for this to work, as was I. Then she met her boyfriend and we stopped seeing each other as often, he had something against me and ofc, I didn’t love him to bits, either. But I still liked her, we still hanged out every once in a while. She even cried, when I left for Finland. But ever since that day, things have been different. I’ve talked to her on skype maybe 4 times in total? For a year! Though she did come to meet me at the airport, when I arrived. I noticed she has changed completely. Taking drugs and listening to music I would have never thought she would listen to. I just don’t click with her anymore. Haven’t seen her in 2 months and I don’t even miss her. I only miss the good times we’ve had together.
And now I’m thinking…what does it all mean to have a best friend? Is it even possible for someone to be better than the rest for you? You can be best friends with almost anyone if you want. I wish I could stop labeling the word friend. I have a few close ones and that’s it. Every person understands me in a different way, why should I have a best friend? I know, it’s more likely for me to call some people more than others, but that’s just because of the relationship we’ve constructed. And I don’t mind being called a best friend, but I think that from now on it will be difficult for me to say to someone that they’re my best mate, even if they’re the only ones around. I think that someone, who will stand by you at all times and forever exists only in the movies. Even as I try to be there for my friends, I realize how unrealistic it sounds, when someone says “I’ll always be there for you”. You don’t know that. Things can change. We’re almost grown up now, so the friendships we make now are ones that are gonna last, but you can never know for sure. People change. And if you’re my best friend now, how do I know that you’ll be the same tomorrow? I can’t. So no need to say to anyone that they’re my best friends. They’re just friends. And I love them, I really do. Spending time with them, listening to their problems, talking to them…it’s all good. But one person as an individual always has something that the others lack. I appreciate that in everyone. No need for labels.