Now that Christmas is almost over, Jesus’ 2013-th birthday is gone (damn, he’s old), I just had the greatest idea ever. Because I know a lot of us need it.
Let me just start by saying that my Christmas was great, it couldn’t have gone better and I couldn’t have spent it with cooler people. I got a lot of presents and I ate a lot of Christmas food. And I mean a lot…and no, no one shoved it down my throat, but I like to eat anyway, so that wasn’t necessary.
Anyway, my point was the following: Salla got the family a scale for Christmas and she wanted to know if it worked, so I got on it… I have never been more disappointed with myself. This is the heaviest that I’ve ever been and I’m not even kidding, when I say that I covered my eyes in shock and disbelief. All of the Christmas songs suddenly stopped playing in my head, my mind started to race through all of the images of the food I had eaten these past few days and I reminded myself that my eating habits (once a day, as much as you can eat) are very, very bad. The last time I went running was probably 3 months ago and my excuse is always that it’s too cold and it’s raining. I have no words for my laziness, I am the queen of procrastination and I have yet to meet anyone better at it, than me. And I love food more than I love myself.
Not gonna lie, I know that weight doesn’t define you as a person, but I’ve redefined myself a thousand times during the last 2 hours. I feel like I’m nothing more than a walking ball of blabber and it doesn’t feel too good. BUT, what I would usually do in cases like these (happens more often than you would think) is hide everything in myself, or alternatively – find Joel and lay it all on him, not admit my problems, start thinking about them secretly until they consume me and I’m a bomb ready to explode any second. When that happens, it ain’t pretty.
SO! I decided that this is Christmas and I should be happy and that means thinking happy things. I thought I’d write a “letter” to myself. I would like to at least try and be nice to myself, because no one else is living with me 24/7 and chances are, no one else will either (not for a long time). I advice anyone, who feels bad about themselves every once in a while to do the same. 🙂 Here we go:
You may be fat and have a weird sense of humor, but look at it from the bright side – many people have said that they would want to fall in love with someone who’s character is just like yours, so that means that you’re kind of awesome. You’re a pro in watching movies and you genuinely like people, so that’s pretty cool. Most humans are pretending, when they say they like someone, but you actually do, so you know – I’m happy about this. You’re a really good friend and I have yet to hear about a complaint. You would do anything for your friends and I like the fact that you’re loyal and honest. You’re one of those people, who can stay into someone’s life forever.
I know you have problems with speaking Finnish to the point, where you grab the first pillow you see, you cover your face in it and have a mental breakdown, BUT at least you can write and understand almost everything, so it’s not completely bad. And I’m sure that one day you’ll open up more, I can already see you trying. And being a perfectionist is nothing to be ashamed of, you are who you are. I can’t ask you to let go of whatever is holding you back if you’re not ready yet. Take your time.
Your taste in music is pretty cool. I am sometimes really impressed by some songs that you listen to (which means that you’re basically impressed by yourself, let that sink in for a second), I haven’t met many people, who enjoy old classics as well as new music. Your taste is impeccable. Good job!
I also like how you always get what you want eventually. I remember you being a 13 year old little brat, dancing with your best friend at 3 am in the morning and dreaming about going to Finland. I remember how no one, not even your parents took you seriously, but you proved them wrong. You are very stubborn and you work for your dreams. I know this year wasn’t easy for you and you had to grow up in literally a few days and this summer was as shitty as you’ve had it, but thanks for not giving up. Don’t listen to the others telling you that it’s not a big deal, it is. You’re a fucking hero.
And I really think it’s fair that you appreciate everyone, who has helped you in any way possible. That is important to you and I know it. Don’t worry, some day you will be able to express your gratitude in a better way than just saying “thank you”.
Also, in general I think you are a really sweet and great person, who is sometimes really unlucky, but that’s life. If you would just be smart enough to lose some weight… no pressure, just sayin’…
Yuuup. That does feel better. Kind of. You guys should do it, too, I want to read about more people getting in touch with themselves. Some things are hard to admit, but once you do it, legend has it, it feels better.
Ok, that was a somewhat touchy-feely post. Blah! Those again!
//Stef – What did you get for Christmas?