How to be lazy as hell and still manage to somehow get things done.

Hello, munchkins!

If you know me, you’d know that I am a really, really lazy person.

What I like to think is that I’m not actually lazy, but it’s just that I postpone the things that don’t interest me. That includes a lot of homework, cleaning, some social interaction and even sometimes cooking. I can write a whole new post on the topic of how to write proper bullshit for your university papers, because I always do them 20 minutes before they’re due and I always get full points, so I suppose I have some knowledge to share with the rest of the normal people, who want to party more than they want to study.

Okay, so to the topic. How to get things done, while being really, really lazy. I’ll tell you what I do. First, when I see that I have an assignment due in 2 weeks, I think to myself “Well, I don’t have time for it now, I have to drink tequila off of a classmate’s belly button right in this moment and I need to prioritize”. Once I’ve drawn the conclusion that I will not do my work in stages as I am supposed to, I forget about it until the day before it’s due.

Sometimes I get a tingling sensation in my stomach, which reminds me to check my calendar, but who the hell listens to those completely unscientific feelings anyway? I don’t check anything and I just go to school like the queen of laziness (which I am.) and usually my friends give a lot more crap about the assignments than I do, so I learn about the due date during lunch. See? I didn’t even have to check it myself. So far I’ve done nothing.

Then what happens is, I decide that I want to be productive for a change and make a promise to myself that I will do the assignment as soon as I get home. I have yet to see this happen. What I do is, I open my computer, check 9gag, watch a movie, chat with people on facebook, write a blog post, talk to someone on skype maybe, read the news, spend an enormous amount of time watching youtube videos, discover new sites…the list could go on forever.

Seeing as it is already pretty late, I mean, I’ve been browsing the internet for hours and there is not a single cat picture I haven’t seen, I get super inspired to do magnificent things with my life. The assignment is literally the last thing on my mind. I just start getting ideas about completely different things, I research good cameras, ISO differences, 50mm lenses, photography inspiration, video editing programs and stuff like that…one time I even read a book about online marketing, while I was avoiding my business administration assignment.

So yeah, at this point, it’s about 3am, I am more awake than ever and I think about the assignment again “I know I should have done it by now…”, but then I remember the famous saying that “the morning is wiser than the night”, so I decide to just screw it altogether and go to sleep or browse the internet some more.

The next day…only a few hours before the actual dead line, I get up as normal, I grunt and squint at my old self for being a lazy motherfucker and not even checking what the damn assignment is about. I go about my routine as usual, I have my lectures and then I go to some computer classroom to do the work 1 hour before it’s due. I stare at the computer screen for a few minutes, resenting the fact that now I actually have to do this shit, I complain to a friend a few times that my life really sucks and that my reality is way better than this. Then I see what the assignment is about and my jaw drops to the floor, because it’s something like 3 pages of essay text on a topic that I have no clue about.

Okay. I try not to panic, but it’s really difficult, seeing as I’ve already wasted so much time and I need to be as fast as a lightning to make it in time. But then I remember that I am a hardcore bitch and I run a blog and I can easily squeeze out at least a thousand words even for a topic as boring as “The Monopolistic Competition in the 1950’s”. I pull myself together and start typing. When I’m in the zone, I’m in the zone. Exactly how I do it is a topic for another post, but the bottom line is that I’m finished 10 minutes before I have to hand the assignment in. It looks beautiful, it’s my baby, a product of my amazing capability to squeeze bullshit out of my brain in a short amount of time (it should be an Olympic sport!).

I hand that thing in with a huge sense of accomplishment. Stefani has yet done it again. The situation is under control. I can finally go home and chill without having to worry about turning anything in until next week, when I’m going to be so screwed, cause it’s exam week and I haven’t studied almost at all. But that’s a problem for future Stefani to worry about. Carpe Diem, I’m a real student!

This structure applies not only to assignments, but to anything in life, really. Wait until the very last moment and you will most likely have a masterpiece. Or if you, like me, don’t care about anything else than your own little world and you can’t be bothered to do the boring work, then it doesn’t matter what grade you get as long as it’s not a fail. Though I’m pretty blessed to have good grades, so thanks teachers for being so understanding and kick-ass! 🙂

And that was another thousand word post for you to read in your time. I hope it didn’t hold you back from doing actual work. 😀

//Stef – toodaloo


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