Oh sh*t, am I happy or something?


I don’t really have anything important to say.

But I am happy! And I want to scream it as loud as I can, because I don’t know how long it will last. Lately I’ve truly been great. I’ve had a great day/week/month.

I landed on a great internship with a great mentor! I get to do what I study AND be involved with the music business, it’s seriously like a dream come true. I’ve been thinking how much I’m loving it and that all this wait was totally worth it. I get to help artists and bands organize their tours and I’ve actually started thinking how cool it would be to be a band/artist manager. Why not? I’d be really good at it.


I got elected as a board member for the upcoming year for AES. Very, very cool. I truly can’t wait to share with you all the great things we’re gonna do this year. I’m HAPPY that I get to decide stuff side by side with FRIENDS and not just team mates. I honestly cry laughing with Jessica and today we did great things with Rasse, as well.

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Our meetings are amazing, it never feels serious, we are just a bunch of kids wanting to make something together, we often have no idea what we’re doing, but we joke A LOT about it and I often step back and look around and try to remember all those great moments with those people, because it really feels amazing, when you’re genuinely laughing with your whole heart at trivial things. Like, I LOVE IT, when Wille tells us stories from when he was younger, I was this close to peeing myself on the flight back from Copenhagen…or when our current chairman Mathias swears at really obvious things. I can’t expect you to understand what I’m talking about, but you know when you meet vibrant personalities, you remember them. It’s like that. I’m happy here. Great things coming up, as well. And we get lots of beer, too.

This month I also got to go to a few absolutely mind-blowing events, meet some really great people and get super inspired about the future even though I don’t know what exactly that might be. But it’s okay. I’ll be alright. Always have been. I have things come to me a bit more difficultly than other people, but I AM DOING IT! I don’t know what IT is, but for the first time in a long time I’m completely okay with it. I’ve received so many hugs lately and it makes me feel good. I don’t mean those awkward pats on the back. I mean those 10 seconds long warm embraces that let you know that someone really cares about you, tight and reassuring, warm and inviting, the kind that lets you get lost for a moment and appreciate the person in your arms. I love those hugs more than anything.

Thank you to everyone, who has made me smile or feel good in any way lately. That small message “Where are you? I haven’t seen you in ages!” meant the world to me, the inside joke you used made my stomach spasm and it felt GREAT! I’ve been walking like a retard with a constant happy face on. I’ve been more of my usual energetic, always singing, always dancing self and I can’t keep it in.

Also I’ve been bursting with ideas for my own project, for which you will hopefully hear more about in a month or so. I’ve been thinking about it non-stop, I wake up at 3am in the morning with a pen and hurry to write the ideas in a notebook. I can’t believe that after years of planning and thinking about it, I’m a month away from actually starting it. The feeling is indescribable. Kind of like being in love. Butterflies in your stomach, stupid smile 24/7 and an occupied mind. I wish this feeling never ends. Ambition is driving me. I don’t know how people without it can survive. Without vision, ambition and strive for progress…I breathe those things right now, you know…

I’ve been channeling my energy through music, as well, sometimes I feel like it’s too much for just one body. I listen to a good song and every molecule inside my body is really HEARING IT. I’m very alert and conscious of the melodies, the beats, the lyrics, the harmonies…I’m in love with music.

I’ve had lots of time to dedicate to my second passion, as well – movies. I’ve watched a ton of scientific documentaries and Robin Williams films, Interstellar and a few more, which have made a big impression on me. I am not a VERY sentimental person, but I do have a massive amount of feelings, which I have been dying to let out, so I’ve been crying, laughing, weeping and everything in between. It’s good, it’s healthy. My fascination with video story telling keeps on growing.

And last, but not least, I’m utterly excited to see my best friends in a week, when we will celebrate independence day together. I haven’t seen them since the summer (most of them anyway) and I can’t wait to have an absolutely amazing evening at Rasse’s cottage. I love those sophisticated motherfuckers. I miss them, I want to see them. The day is soon here.

I’m happy.

//Stef – Congratulations on gay couples finally being able to marry each other in Finland! Eat your heart out, Päivi Räsänen!



  1. Lots of hugs and kisses to you Stefani!! I love ya!! ❤

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