I’m usually a super happy person, who smiles a lot, has lots of fun, loves meeting new people, I’m friendly as hell, curious, ambitious and all those nice adjectives. It’s not in my personality to be depressed.
It would probably take A LOT for me to actually get clinically depressed, which unfortunately I can’t say for all people. Having that in mind, I DO get sad every now and then, every normal person does, I just usually don’t post it on any of my social media (and that’s a surprise considering that I am a total addict and I update everything a lot.) But I just don’t like it when some of my friends are having troubles and they feel like they can’t talk to me, because “I don’t know how they feel” and because “I’m so smiley all the time and they don’t want to bring me down.”
It’s true that it may be my fault for projecting so much of what I like, which is lots of laughter and jokes, but you should all know that not everything in life is just that and that I, just like everyone else, have bad days despite my chronically happy personality.
Lately I haven’t talked about my personal life with almost anyone, even my parents, because I just don’t feel the need to. I don’t feel obligated to go ahead and tell everyone what is wrong or right in my life, if anything, recently I’ve been a lot more impatient with people trying to talk to me. I’m sorry.
But whenever I feel sad or happy (HIMYM reference not coming), I just like to write here, it has always helped. Though sometimes, I start writing and realize that I don’t want to share all these details with you and that I feel somehow intimidated and obligated to keep up the happy spirit all the time. Sometimes all I want to do is be honest and say everything that’s on my mind, but I have a personal blockage, which keeps me from oversharing things and I just build it up inside until one day it just explodes.
I’m not sad now, I haven’t had a sad day in a really long time, I’m very grateful for that, but I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m not always the sassy girl, who tells jokes about your mom. And that’s okay. If you ever feel like sharing anything with me, I promise I will be there and I’ll listen. I may make a few remarks and make fun of your situation, but you have to understand that this is just my way of trying to cheer you up and at the end of the day, I want to help you in any way I can.
A brief story that I have for you – I was the saddest of my entire life in February 2012. I’ll never forget that time, we were in Levi with my host family and for some reasons that I’m not gonna share publicly, the first night was a complete nightmare. I get sad right now just by thinking about it. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t take a breath, I couldn’t see anything and all I could feel is just utter profound loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating, when I say that I must have been crying non-stop for 5 hours and my eyes were bloody red with my pillow and sheets completely soaked in tears. Sad sight. And then Jazz sent me a text from her holiday in Austria. It was something really basic like “What’s your address, I wanna send you a post card”, but in that moment, it came like a gift from heaven. It was like a warm shower of love over the cold and stiff emotions I was feeling. She wanted to send me a post card!!!!!!! I stopped crying almost immediately after that and went and looked for the closest hug I could find. Don’t underestimate the power of friendship in your hard times or if you have a significant other, lay on their back for a while. It helps.
Every person that I know has some kind of depth to them, though I don’t always understand it or want to see it completely. Just because someone is happy doesn’t mean that they can’t help you if you really are good friends. Also HUGS have proven, at least for me, to work every time. The long and tight ones, when you can feel someone being empathetic to you and few seconds later you just know that everything is going to be okay. 🙂
AND if you feel like you have been really really sad for extensive periods of time, please contact someone, who can help you professionally, there is no need of being sad all the time and you CAN be helped! Then we can watch lots of movies together, listen to cool music, go out drinking and exchange funny pictures with each other.
Okay, that’s what I wanted to say this time.
//Stef – I have a soft side, too! 🙂