I doubt anyone is reading this anymore, since I make like 5 posts a year, but hello to you if you’re on board!
You know that friend, who is always brutally honest? Yeah, that’s me. Though I think it’s a good thing that I say what I think, sometimes I think that maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on people. Sometimes I feel like my attitude could be hurtful to others and I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel really bad, obviously.
So I made Henkka cry on the phone few weeks ago (and I’ve never heard/seen him cry before. Ever.) because of what a bitch I was to him about something that really bothered him and I kinda regret it. I meant every word I said, so I’d never go back on that, but I should have been a bit gentler and more understanding, which I don’t know how to do sometimes. I can’t tell you how often I say things, which I later realize sound super aggressive and mean even if I don’t mean them that way and I think to myself “well that was fucking dreadful. I hope this person doesn’t think I’m a crazy bitch.”, but let’s be honest, they probably do. It’s worse if I do it over text, because the person can’t hear my tone of voice, so they don’t know what to make of the text and the sad reality is that texting is my preferred method of communication, so misunderstandings happen quite often.
On the other hand, if someone is brutally honest with me, I actually really like it and appreciate it. I take every word as constructive criticism and I somehow respect the person more (that’s why I’m such good friends with Joel). Not everyone is like me, I understand that and that’s why I promise to try and work on myself, but I mean…
There are times, when something is really really bothering me and though most of my thoughts I keep to myself (just cause usually they’re not that interesting to others), if I don’t say the thing, it keeps getting worse and worse and my god, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d get an ulcer from trying to conceal it. If I have a problem with someone, I have to tell them. I just have to. It makes me feel like a new person. Now, obviously I don’t say the first thing that comes to my mind, I’m not a socially disabled individual, I try to pick my words and not sound like I’ve just come out of a mental facility (like those crazy texting chicks we keep reading about on facebook) and I HOPE no one’s thought that about me, but I mean I’d be the last person to say that I don’t have my moments.
SO! I’m very sorry if I’ve ever sent you a crazy honest text (or said something in person), which made you feel uncomfortable, but on the bright side, if I’ve done it that means that I most likely like you and think you can handle it…and I probably don’t have anything else against you, cause let’s be real, if I had, we wouldn’t be talking. So imma work on being nicer and you work on understanding that that’s just me and sometimes I can’t help it. 🙂
Have a great weekend, everyone!
//Stef – peace out!